Marital Identity...

Marital Identity...

In India it is very common that once you’re married the girl stays in a joint family. My mom when she got married to my dad, they even lived as a joint family with my aunt and my grandma. My mom has always shared the difficulties she had to go through the adjustment during her newly married life. I believe the disagreements arise when mother in laws or daughter in laws have hard time to accept each other in a bond. In my own family I have experienced, and something that each one of us can apply as a key to strengthen their relationship with their in laws are to leave their parents and cleave unto the spouse when newly married.

President Kimball says that “first married couples should confide in and counsel with their spouse. Secondly, if possible, they should establish their own household, separate from their parents. Finally any counsel from outside sources should be considered prayerfully by both the spouses together.”

And I believe it is one the best advice for a newly married couples as it helps them rely on each other more often as husband and wife rather than on their parents. Establishing their own household and living separate from parents actually builds a self confidence to protect, maintain or repair (if necessary) the invisible boundary or fence that guards their marriage.

Furthermore, a primary issue for new spouses is how parents and other family members include a new person in their family system. Research shows that lack of marital approval, in law blaming or triangulation,  intrusion, forcing loyalty issues, holding grudges, and refusing to redefine one’s role as a parent are related to poor in law relationship and also jeopardize the marriage of the sons or daughter.

However, As we put the Lord first in our life we would not be having difficulty in obeying his will given through the scriptures. I also believe that Forgiveness, charity, love and humbleness plays a great role in defining it better when playing a healthy family role as a spouse and to our in laws. I am not a perfect example to share my marital identity but would love to implement by being kind, forgiving and loving to the relationship around me and my spouse.