Refrences...

Marital Identity...

Marital Identity...

In India it is very common that once you’re married the girl stays in a joint family. My mom when she got married to my dad, they even lived as a joint family with my aunt and my grandma. My mom has always shared the difficulties she had to go through the adjustment during her newly married life. I believe the disagreements arise when mother in laws or daughter in laws have hard time to accept each other in a bond. In my own family I have experienced, and something that each one of us can apply as a key to strengthen their relationship with their in laws are to leave their parents and cleave unto the spouse when newly married.

President Kimball says that “first married couples should confide in and counsel with their spouse. Secondly, if possible, they should establish their own household, separate from their parents. Finally any counsel from outside sources should be considered prayerfully by both the spouses together.”

And I believe it is one the best advice for a newly married couples as it helps them rely on each other more often as husband and wife rather than on their parents. Establishing their own household and living separate from parents actually builds a self confidence to protect, maintain or repair (if necessary) the invisible boundary or fence that guards their marriage.

Furthermore, a primary issue for new spouses is how parents and other family members include a new person in their family system. Research shows that lack of marital approval, in law blaming or triangulation,  intrusion, forcing loyalty issues, holding grudges, and refusing to redefine one’s role as a parent are related to poor in law relationship and also jeopardize the marriage of the sons or daughter.

However, As we put the Lord first in our life we would not be having difficulty in obeying his will given through the scriptures. I also believe that Forgiveness, charity, love and humbleness plays a great role in defining it better when playing a healthy family role as a spouse and to our in laws. I am not a perfect example to share my marital identity but would love to implement by being kind, forgiving and loving to the relationship around me and my spouse.

 

Being one in Marriage...

GENESIS 2:2

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh”

I don’t think I would have given heed to these verse earlier until I was given council by my Branch president during my marriage preparation. I understood much deeper meaning as I was sealed to my husband for time and eternity in the temple covenants. I testify of the gospel teaching and knowledge we had gained so far which helped my husband and I to be one in heart and mind.

The reason I share this scripture is because when we got married we had a lot of families being involved in making decision for us rather we making it. As a result, it led us to have arguments, disagreements, quarrel, disappointment and selfishness. We were thankful to be able to reflect onto the atonement of our savior and make goals and plan things well in our marriage. I believe the oneness in marriage came as we could turn to our savior for all the things he has given us his church, his gospel, his life, his teaching so we can be one.

I believe as we all can be covenant keeper as we keep his covenants. First by taking his name upon us and second, by remembering him and third, all this can happen as we partake of the sacrament every week and do keep his commandments. What I have shared is very basic but is actually the necessity of our life that leads us to be one and have eternal life.

Intimacy in Marriage...

I always thought it such an awkward topic to talk, share and read. It’s been a wonderful 3+ years of our marriage and I look forward to have more of those roller coaster ride with my hubby. In school it is common to teach students in 6/7th grade about reproduction in human life. When I was in school, I don’t remember anything that I understood regarding intimacy and when the time came to be married, I knew very little about sexual intimacy (“how to have a child” or “how do you get pregnant”). My mom thought I knew as a grown up girl about intimacy in marriage life. I wish someone was there to guide me or talk about it. May be then I would have not got pregnant so soon. Not that I am not happy to have a child in our life, I really think without him I would have not learned some great principle of life and that experience of becoming pregnant was a good choice. But just like in a few months of our marriage we gained the responsibility to become parents.

I learned through my marriage, how and what and why we need intimacy in marriage. My marriage was a great place to learn the fact that intimacy in marriage is not a secret subject, every marital partner experience it with their spouse. In fact, I learned through my marriage it is something you can talk about and read books to get educated.

I enjoyed reading this article by Brother Sean E. Brotherson and I would like to share that article with you all. I felt the best definition explained in such simple words that one could understand and I agree with Brother Brotherson’s mother that sometimes an intimate relationship is fun, comforting, spiritual, romantic and sometimes it is a willingness in love. I adore the great understanding , love, caring, comfort and joy I had received by living a healthy sexual intimacy in my marriage and I am not shy or awkward to share.

• Fulfilling the Sexual Stewardship in Marriage.docx(24.8 KB)

Two Kinds of Marital Conflicts....

Having conflicts in marriage is common. I really believe that two different personality are combined to bring their lifestyle together in unity. John Gottman shared two kinds of marital conflicts explained as “perpetual problem and solvable problems”

No matter how long you are married and resolved the issues but still those same arguments would be arised. Therefore, many of us keep moving in life with those unmovable problem because we don’t wanna ruin or become overwhelmed with our marriage instead deal as a joke. Some couples constantly work it out, to make things better than talking it again and again or they prevent from having a stress in their relationship.

Avoiding conflict over a perpetual problem leads to emotional disengagement. I really liked how John Gottman shared some knowledgeable advice that you and me can follow regarding solvable problems.

• Make sure your startup is soft rather than harsh

• Learn effective use of repair attempts

• Monitor your physiology during tense discussions for warning signs of flooding

• Learn how to compromise and

• Become more tolerant of each other’s imperfections.

Elder Lynn G. Robbins of the seventy gave a wonderful talk on anger and agency in may 1998. This particular talk has taught me to learn that I can control my anger, I can make the choice of controlling my anger. I would encourage you all to read this talk that has great council on how you and me can be better person by controlling our anger and we have been given our agency to do so.

Here’s the link https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1998/04/agency-and-anger?lang=eng

What do you think, that how would some of the marital conflicts leads you to??

Learning to Yield...

It is world known that some men have problems in fulfilling or understanding their roles and responsibility as husbands. My grandfather was a carpenter, and had 8 kids including my mom who is the eldest among the seven children. My grandpa was alcoholic and used to beat my grandma because he couldn't fulfill all his children's needs. My mom started to work at a very early age for the family. This lack of responsibility or understanding the role as a husband my grandpa struggled and let the family struggle.

Often women complain that men hardly can take care of the household chores and take care of kids. John Gottman shares that "the fundamental difference between husbands who accept influence and those who don't is that the former have learned that often in life you need to yield in order to win".

Although there are a lot of things for a women it takes a very small amount of time to do or gets annoyed from their husbands what they do. Example, When my husband he comes home from college/work, he would not put his phone on charge and take my phone and watch sports updates/ Facebook or watch news without changing his clothes. Once he enters the room he would some day not be bothered to ask about my day and about my son. Even If I got angry and cried about things that annoys me from him, he would not give heed.

Gottman says that "More than 80 percent of the time, it's the wife who brings up sticky marital issues, while the husband tries to avoid discussing them. This isn't a symptom of a troubled marriage- It's true in most happy marriage as well.

I know that I am not a perfect wife in many different ways, through marriage relationship I have yield to learn to humble myself and not to bring pride in our relationship. If my husband ignores me when I yell at him it is not that I don't love him or he doesn't love me and is not listening to me. But marriage is all about forgiving each other, having patience and learning from each other as life goes by.

Learning Experience Through Marriage....

Learning Experience through Marriage...

A marriage life considers of romantic relationship between husband and wife, trust, understanding, patience, loving, effective communications and goals of working together so called as unity. Without all this most marriages break and ends up into divorce/separation.

I was glad that I was the youngest in my family so I was able to observe all my elderly siblings marriage life, including some of my cousins marital life. I again recall that the gospel and the members had taught me a lot of things which eventually helped me gain understanding of what I can do better when I get marry.

I am so happy to have my husband as my eternal companion meaning that we were blessed to be sealed in the temple and clearly understand the roles and responsibility of husband and wife. Marriage was not a easy step of my life, changes gave me new duties, gain support, have a healthy relationship.

Yes, of course there are days were my husband and I are not agreeing to do what we wanna do individually but I learned by observing people and families around me that someone has to forgive or come down rather than be tit for tat. My first experience in marriage life was when I couldn't make breakfast early for my husband as he left for job. My husband never complained and kept going to job without lunch or breakfast. There was one week he got pretty sick with stomach upset by eating outside food and I felt very embarrassed that I let him get sick by eating food outside. He still never complained, the next day I made some breakfast and learned many recipes that I could make for breakfast.

I was glad for that learning experience through my marriage because it helped me understand that someone has to give up or come down and be nicer in marriage. My husband has been very appreciative and I love preparing food for him and help him stay healthy. Life is simply more beautiful when small kind acts are done in a more loving way.  

Love and Compassion...

When I was a single I didn’t had any idea about struggles, money, food, clothing etc. I was very blessed to be living with my parents but you see life has to move on. Eventually I found someone and moved in life. The few months seemed all like stars and moon after that life was in reality, I slowly understood that we needed education, money, a good house, food, nice job, clothes and the list kept going still. I think it is very well said by Goddard in his book “Drawing Heaven into your marriage” chapter two that “In every relationship there is an inevitable tension. It is often worse in marriage than other relationships, in part because we share so much- money, time, food, space- even our own bodies. Marriage is not only intense but also can last for decades.

Something that we forget about marriage is “Love, compassion” which can bring husband and wife together and cherish their relationship forever. I would like to quote from Elder Eyring's talk that we all may differ from each other but the gospel of Jesus Christ helps us to live our life better and perfect.

According to my understanding being a member of the church for 13 years, I believe and trust that having love and compassion can lead us have godly attributes by saying prayers in families, as husband and wife going to the temple and keeping those sacred covenants. As a result it leads us as a family to live a perfect life in the Gospel because of the love that we have for the lord and he has for us, because we tend to keep all his commandments and give heed to do our best in this earthly life.

However, All the above reasons helps us cherish our life style of marriage even if it’s challenging.

Love 

Margaret

Love and Kindness....

Love and Kindness is very important in a marital relationship no matter what, I believe love and kindness plays a vital role in strengthening our joy of being together. My husband and I come from a family of broken relationship, separation of parents, divorce situation etc due to not having proper communication, trust, lack of kindness & love.

When I was dating my husband, I am glad that we discussed some important goals and set plans regarding our marriage life should be like. We have no doubts on all the things we talked and made choices, that helped us become be aware of how to mend the relationship. This week preparation material has been a very learning and knowledgeable source to strengthen my marital relationship. I learned that being kind, being a friend, communicating well each other is so important in marriage. Not that I had no idea about it but the video's from John Gottman's, Elder Wirthlin's talk and the fireproof clips gave some real good insights on our daily marital life things that we can mess up and things how we can implement. The past few weeks has been hard for me, as my husband had to work days and night, I felt having a distance in between us with family responsibility, college studies etc. I am glad that the atonement of Christ has made a major change of being humble, and  loving to my companion. I count Elder Wirthlin's talk to be a wonderful counsel that sometimes poetic words, fancy things or romantic things may not take place but we need to remember that through the act of kindness, love and patience may help our relationship as husband and wife to endure to the end.

Love

Margaret

Covenant that leads us to Eternity....

Temple- A house of the Lord.

Hello Everyone, Our World has so much of worldly things that we all easily get distracted and drawn away from those spiritual blessing that can lead us to Heavenly Father's kingdom. Temple is a sacred place where families are bind together not only to this earthly life but to eternity. When husband and wife keep up their sacred covenants made in the temple, they are blessed to have a righteous family. We should prepare our ancestors name to do the ordinances for the deceived. In my family me and my husband are the only to be members of the church, we served mission and understand the importance of having the temple blessing in our family. My husband and I were sealed in the Hong Kong China temple and we feel privileged to have our son born in those covenants. Most of our extended families are non members and do not understand our belief, when I went on a mission I prepared some of my deceived families name for baptism. My participial blessing shares that there will come a day that I will be sealed in the temple with my parents and in order for that I always need to invite them and share with them the Gospel principal. I believe being worthy is very important to enter the house of the Lord and to be worthy means that we as members of the church keep all gods commandments. Some time we forget to keep those small basic commandments such as daily prayer, scripture reading, fasting, paying tithing etc. Small little things can help us build our faith strong and lead us to be a covenant keeper. I know as we do those basic things that lead us to gods righteous path, it will bless us to have a eternal life with our family.

Love

Margaret

Defenders of Marriages

Heavenly Father created Adam and Eve in his image and placed in the garden of Eden. He commanded them to multiply and replenish the earth. Which means that men and women are to be married lawfully and bring children on this earth to learn and grow. This time on this earth to prepare ourselves and return back to Heavenly Father's kingdom. The gospel of Jesus Christ is the key for us endure to the end. Today in the World, we hear so much of corruption of living trend called cohabitation, partner-relationship, same sex marriages and people are denying the true meaning of "marriage". I believe that if we stand firm in obeying God's commandments and living his sacred covenants of marriage, children born in sacred covenants of marriage then all this can lead us become " A disciple of Jesus Christ -Defenders of Marriage"

I promise that all young man and young woman decide and desire to be married, there will be less of same sex marriages, partner relationship. Children will be born the marriage relationship. There will be less of child abuse, and feel the desire to move as a eternal family.

On the other hand, "how would you like to be known by your generation"?. It is important that our life to be an example for others to learn and grow, treasure your memories by living a quality life on this earth. And all this will happen if we all could stand as an defenders of marriage, by living a life as a disciple of Christ.

Love

Margaret

Introduction....

Hello everyone,

My name is Margaret and I am creating this blog for my online course on "Marriage". Although I wont be sharing my perfection but through this course I am excited to share with you all what I get to learn in my real life experience. I am very blessed with a beautiful family consisted of my husband, I and our 2+ year old son. I also excited to implement things that can bless my marital life and help me and my husband become an example to our generations. I truly believe that marriage is not about getting married to a perfect man and women but living that life together towards the perfection. Marriage has given me a lot of responsibility and true meaning of love, compassion, patience and loyalty. hope you all enjoy my blog.

Love

Margaret